


Yellow

by EmternalSummers



Series: Happier Days [1]
Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Flashbacks, I am not sorry, M/M, Okay Maybe a Little Sorry, Rain, Slow Burn, The boys suffer, this is real sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 10:10:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18444422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmternalSummers/pseuds/EmternalSummers
Summary: You Zhangjing knew what he had to do, no matter how much it hurt the both of them. Lin Yanjun was his whole world, but he knew that Yanjun's whole world couldn't be him.





	Yellow

**Author's Note:**

> This is what inspired me to write this~ Give it a listen if you'd like while reading  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T46-g35UhMI

“Zhangjing, you can’t be serious about this! Get back here!” Lin Yanjun wasn’t used to not having his way. Born to a prestigious family, he was catered to for most of his life. Talented in both sports and smarts, he also had this natural beauty to him that attracted many people. But right now, in the middle of the pouring rain, all of that meant nothing to him. Not when the person who meant the most to him was walking away.

“Leave me alone, Yanjun. I know you heard what I said.” The shorter man was walking away from the scene with surprising speed through the rain. The downpour helped mask the tears that had begun to run down his face the further away You Zhangjing got from the scene.

He knew from the start going for Yanjun was a mistake. The worlds they lived in were too different, too changing. Yanjun belonged to the elites, the world far beyond what Zhangjing could even begin to comprehend. He was a normal college student with a passion for music, but not going anywhere fast. Time after time, Yanjun had begged to let Zhangjing sing at company events, but Zhangjing felt like that was cheating. He wanted to get somewhere with his own hard work and his boyfriend, no, ex-boyfriend, plopping down chances in his lap just gave him a sour taste in his mouth. Zhangjing just couldn’t accept that kind of charity he was given.

“God damnit, Zhangjing, at least let me drive you back home! It’s pouring now.” Yanjun was standing beneath a street lamp, looking hurt and exhausted. His chest heaved as he panted, the rain making his clothes cling to his frame. Zhangjing slowed in his steps, small splashes made from his feet slowing to a silence.

The rain thundered between the two of them, impossibly loud. The crash of thunder in the distance seemed too far away to enter the bubble they made around themselves. Yanjun stood under the light for a moment more before slowly walking forward towards Zhangjing, who had yet to turn around to face the other. Other people seemed to rush by the two, the sounds of their splashing feet and hurried apologies lost in the distance. Eventually, they stood mere feet apart, but to Yanjun it felt like a million miles apart. What had he done wrong?

“Zhangjing, please…” Came the soft plea. For the second time that night, Zhangjing felt his heart shatter. He could almost reach out a feel the pain in Yanjun’s voice. He sniffled slightly, wiping his nose against the rough fabric of his jacket- or was it Yanjun’s? Both of their wardrobes had slowly began to merge into one after a few months, so he had hardly kept track of what clothes were truly his. With a resigned sigh, he turned around and brushed past the taller male, keeping his gaze fixed on the ground.

“Let’s get going them.” The shorter male tried his best to keep his voice cold and distant. Inside, he could feel bits and pieces of him breaking away with each trudging footstep back to the car.

*

They met freshman year. Zhangjing had heard rumors during orientation of some famous kid in their class, but paid no heed to it. He normally like to lay low and keep to himself, so he made a mental note about it, but didn’t think too much about it. Moving into the dorms had been uneventful and going to classes seemed to be just as tedious. The first semester had been filled with general education classes that were too big and too broad. When would he ever have to know about the different types of bacteria when writing songs? Never, that’s when.

His roommate, a loud and sociable person named Lin Chaoze, was bringing new friends over to the room nearly every night. Zhangjing stayed polite, often times sitting in his bed by the window and listening to music through his earbuds, or at his desk focusing on the busy work the professors assigned as homework. On occasion, he would go and visit his own small group of friends, but that was rare. One night, after he had helped a particularly drunk Zhengting home from a party, he found Chaoze focusing on work with a few others who he found familiar.

“Zhangjing, you’re home! How was Zhengting?” Chaoze popped up immediately once Zhangjing entered the room, a smile on his face. “I heard last time he puked on Wenjun’s shirt!”

Zhangjing sighed, plopping down on his bed. “He was… mostly stable. I don’t get why they always ask me to get them! They’re like, a whole half a foot taller! Does anyone know how hard it is to drag around someone that tall?”

His comment elicited a chuckle from one of the others sitting with Chaoze. Zhangjing lifted his head up just enough to make out black hair and strong cheekbones looking back at him. And there were dimples too.

“Oh, right right right! We’re doing a group project for our writing class. Zhangjing, meet Lin Yanjun and Lu Dinghao! They’re probably going to be over pretty often.” Each boy waved as his name was called and Zhangjing gave a lazy wave in return. “And that’s my roommate, You Zhangjing! He’s kind of quiet for a music theory major, but to each their own.” Chaoze shrugged before turning back to his laptop, leaning over to ask Dinghao question. Zhangjing felt the eyes of the third boy, Yanjun, rest on him for a moment more before turning his attention back to the other two

“I can be loud when I want to be…” Zhangjing grumbled before sitting up. His gaze rested on the black haired boy who laughed earlier. He really was good looking with sharp and refined features, long limbs, and an elegant air to him. Though, he must have been staring for too long as Yanjun had looked back and locked eyes with Zhangjing, offering him a small wink which made the shorter boy’s face turn red as he quickly spun around and went to his desk, fumbling with his earbuds in a vague attempt to overwrite the sound of his heart pounding in his chest.

*

They walked a few feet apart from each other, the silence as deafening as the rain around them. After a few minutes of walking, Zhangjing and Yanjun approached a sleek sports car that was parked on the side of the road. Zhangjing hesitated for a moment, everything in the back of his head telling him to run and catch the next taxi that drove by, but soon enough, Yanjun was following through with the usual motions of unlocking and entering the car, opening the door from the driver’s seat for Zhangjing, who stepped inside automatically.

They sat there for a moment, the soft sound of rain pattering on the roof. Yanjun made no motion to start the engine, so they just sat there in silence for a few moments. Zhangjing was the first to break it. “Sorry about your seat… It’ll probably get pretty wet.”

“Why did you do it?” Yanjun could hear the pain in his own voice. His hands gripped the steering wheel in front of him, currently the only thing that seemed to ground him to the real world instead of the storm that was happening inside his head. “Zhangjing, we don’t have to do this.”

“Yes we do, and you don’t get it!” Zhangjing snapped back, looking at Yanjun for the first time that night. It was like falling in love all over again, seeing the curve of his shoulders that had hugged him so many times, the lips that had graced him with so many breathless kisses. Every memory seemed to come crashing down on Zhangjing that very moment, but he tried to not let them sweep him away.

“You’re the one who doesn’t get it… I told you, I can, I will, give up everything for you. Without you, anything I do is meaningless. You complete me.” Yanjun lightly rested his forehead against the steering wheel before facing towards the shorter boy seated next to him. The same pain Yanjun felt was mirrored by the other’s face, but unlike Yanjun, Zhangjing had refused to give in.

*

He remembered the first time they were meeting outside of the dorm. The weather had begun to cool and people had begun to bundle up for the oncoming winter. On Yanjun’s way out of the library, he walked along the promenade to his next class, hiding his face behind a thick scarf. He enjoyed watching the busy student life that went on beyond the walls of the buildings, the sounds of laughing and yelling. Lost in thought, he had mistakenly crashed into someone, hearing the sound of a small “ouf!” as they fell. 

Immediately, Yanjun held out a hand to help the other one up, putting on his default charming personality. “My sincerest apologies, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” He offered a smile, dimples expressing themselves easily.

On the ground was a bundled tuft of brown hair that looked vaguely familiar. Behind the scarf, two angry eyes met his, ignoring his offer for a helping hand. The boy brushed himself off, sniffling as he did so. “Tall people should really learn to look down on occasion…” A mumbled grumble could be heard coming from the boy and the voice was the final piece for Yanjun to make the connection.

“You’re Zhangjing, right? Chaoze’s roommate?” The small bundle in front of Yanjun stopped and nodded before picking up his pace towards the direction he was going in before. “W-Wait! Are you going back to the dorm? I actually need to give something to him. Do you mind if I join you?” 

He watched the bundle turn back towards him, lowering the scarf in front of his face. He looked a small rabbit sheltering from the cold and Yanjun could have sworn his heart had skipped a beat. “Sure. I don’t know if Chaoze’s there, so don’t blame me if he isn’t.”

Immediately, the shorter boy turned back towards the direction he was walking, not bothering to check if Yanjun was following. With a small smile on his face, Yanjun lightly jogged until he reached Zhangjing and then kept pace by his side. The silence between them didn’t felt heavy or awkward as they walked along, but instead was comfortable, as if they were in their own bubble in the universe. Yanjun felt like he should have held Zhangjing’s hand at some point, but the smaller boy had them tucked firmly in his pockets and out of the cold. Instead, Yanjun fixed his gaze on the red tips of Zhangjing’s ears, which peeked out from under his woven hat.

It was at that moment he knew he had his heart stolen away.

*

Inside the car, it was possible to cut the tension between the two of them with a knife. Yanjun still made no motion to start the car and Zhangjing had averted his gaze to outside the window, one hand covering his small hiccups as he silently cried. The salty tears that ran down his face seemed to burn into his skin as much as Yanjun’s gaze, creating invisible scars that would burn whenever Zhangjing thought about them too much.

“You know, I’m not giving you up like this,” Yanjun whispered softly, placing one had on Zhangjing’s thigh. What he would have once thought of as a comforting touch, Zhangjing found it the most painful thing yet.

“Shut up!” He hissed, batting Yanjun’s hand away from his thigh and curling up towards the door of the car. “It’s over, just drop it.”

Yanjun recoiled, hurt by the increased rejection, and sighed. Slowly, he put they keys in the ignition, starting the car with a low rumble. No music turned on as the car slowly hummed to life, dashboard lighting up a dull blue. It casted a dim glow over the two boys, neither of them facing the other. Slowly, as if he didn’t want to disturb the silence too much, Yanjun pulled out the parking spot, the only sounds heard being the engine and the rain pounding down on the roof.

*

It was junior year by the time Zhangjing had a class with Yanjun. He would often see the tall boy hanging out with Chaoze and gave him an occasional wave, but they never had much conversation beyond that. For some reason, Zhangjing was thankful for that. Whenever he did see the other boy, he felt a twang in his chest that often made him go quiet or trip over is own words. He couldn’t describe the feeling, but it was something that he didn’t feel around anyone else.

Taking a seat in the front of the history class, Zhangjing couldn’t help but jump a little when the seat next to him moved. Looking up, he saw the friendly face of Yanjun, now with silvery hair and the ever brilliant smile. He gave a small wave before focusing his attention down on his notebook again, writing down some lyrics in the margin of the page.

He noticed Yanjun look over and tried to hide his blush. “Isn’t that Quit Smoking from Li Ronghao? Great music choice you got there,” for good measure, he added a wink. “We’ve met several times before, but I don’t think we’ve had a class together before. Let’s work hard together, okay?”

Zhangjing made furious eye contact with his paper, trying to ignore the handsome boy next to him, but it seemed to have failed at a familiar warmth filled his cheek. “Y-yeah, same here,” Zhangjing managed to croak out, feeling the burning run to the tip of his ears. He knew it didn’t go unnoticed by the sound of the melodic laughter next to him.

Zhangjing was sure this was going to be his hardest class of the semester.

*

The drive seemed to be going on forever, but the silence was nearly eternal. Around Zhangjing, Yanjun couldn’t remember when silence lasted more than twenty seconds. He was loud and funny, always finding something to be upset about or criticizing Yanjun’s jokes. Now, it seemed as though the boy was just a shell of what that was. On occasion, a small sniffle broke through the silence and every time he heard it, Yanjun wanted to do nothing more than pull his car over on the side of the road and cover the other kisses until he was laughing and telling him to stop.

“I’m gonna turn on some music…” He muttered softly, reaching down to turn the radio on. Yanjun couldn’t remember the last time he actually had the radio on. Usually, they listened to whatever tracks Zhangjing had saved on his phone or whatever performance he had to do next. Like idiots, they would laugh and scream along to the lyrics most of the time, but on occasion, the two of them always had a good harmony that seemed to come into play.

Turning the music down low, they caught the tail end of a commercial before it was a real song. In silence, they sat there, listening to the rain patter down on the roof of the car and the music softly play. Even the radio seemed to be taunting them as an older song had begun to play through the speakers. The name seemed to escape Yanjun at the moment, but it was times like this he often relied on Zhangjing to provide the name of the song. Still, the song played and nothing left the shorter boy’s mouth.

The highway was deserted as they continued their drive. They had passed very few cars and the only lights were coming from the occasional light they drove by, overwhelming the blue hue of the car with yellow. During these times, Yanjun couldn’t help but cast a glance over at Zhangjing. His chin was resting on the door of the car, right where the window started. He was biting his bottom lip, usually a cute sign of nervousness, and fingers were mindless tapping along to the beat of the song. 

Everything Yanjun had come to love and enjoy was sitting right next to him, but for some reason, he couldn’t access any of it. How easy it would be to just reach out and touch the boy, offer him some kind of solace, but his actions had already been rejected once. He didn’t dare press his luck for a second time.

“Hey, what song is this?” Yanjun softly asked, as if he spoke any louder the careful wall built between would break.

“Yellow. Coldplay.” The two word response was more than Yanjun had expected, but it made him smile slightly nonetheless. Yellow. That fit Zhangjing.

*

It had been about a month and a half into the semester and Yanjun was on the verge of breaking. For three days a week, he found himself occupied with the cute brunette who sat beside him rather than any topic the class covered. It wasn’t unusual for him to leave chatting with the shorter boy and having not a single work written down on his notebook. Everything the other did seemed impossibly cute and way better than anyone Yanjun had dated in the past.

“Chaoze, I need help. I don’t think you get it. He hardly even looks my way half the time and can’t say more than five words to me. I’m gonna lose it soon.” Yanjun was in the library sitting with Chaoze, Dinghao, and a third friend, Honglin. His head was resting between his arms as he complained about his hardly existent love life, letting out a huge sigh.

“Oh no, I completely get it. I just don’t get the reason why you’re crushing on my roommate of all people!” He pointed the pencil he was twirling around in his hand accusingly at Yanjun. “Listen, I haven’t seen that kid bring home a single date and I’ve lived with him for three years now.”

“If he doesn’t talk to you, how do you even know you like him? Like, the silence treatment doesn’t exactly scream ‘Hey cutie over there, come get some’.” Dinghao shrugged went back to tapping away at his laptop, seeming indifferent to his friend’s dilemma.  
“I don’t know… It’s just that when we do talk, he always has these really cute red cheeks and his smile is really sweet because he has like these bunny teeth and when he laughs, his eyes get these crinkles around them, and then sometimes he’ll make fun of someone under his breath and it’s hilarious and…” Yanjun trailed off to finally notice all three sets of eyes staring at him. “What?”

“You’re whipped, dude,” Honglin said, bursting out in laughter. “Just ask the kid out at this point!”

The other two joined in on the laughter, causing Yanjun to cover his ears and let out a loud groan. “If it were that easy, I would have done it ages ago!”

“If what were easy?” As if everything looking down on Yanjun wanted to make him suffer, Zhangjing had walked over to their table. Yanjun couldn’t help but notice how cute he looked with a beret set back on his head, button up with too-long of sleeves underneath a sweater vest. His mind stopped functioning and he just sat there for a moment.

Chaoze, who seemed to recovering from the laughing fit first, smiled at his roommate slyly. “Zhangjing! What are you doing here?”

The boy in question pointed back to the bookshelves over his shoulder. “Zhengting, Nongnong, and I were writing a performance we have to put together for one of our classes. I had to leave for history, but I heard you guys laughing so I came over to pick Yanjun up.” He paused for a moment, looking down on the silver haired male before breaking out into a blush. “I-If you don’t mind that is! I just thought it would be nice if we could walk together!”

Yanjun, snapping out of his trance, nodded and stood up, gathering his stuff. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine with that. If you hadn’t come by, I probably would have forgotten to even go!” He ended with an awkward laugh, silently plotting to kill his friends as they snickered around him.

“That’s the last class you’re gonna miss, Junjun!” Chaoze taunted with a smirk, resting his chin on one hand and twirling his pencil with the other. Yanjun sent a daggered glare in his direction before hefting his bag over his shoulder.

“Ready?” Zhangjing nodded at Yanjun’s question, starting towards the entrance. Before they made it there, Yanjun could hear his friends immediately whispering, but he shoved it out of his mind and kept pace with Zhangjing instead.

“So, how do you like the class so far?” Zhangjing looked up, startled by the question, but then back towards the walkway,

“It’s interesting. I’ve never been into history, but the professor makes it pretty fun. Not looking forward to the group project though. When do we get our groups?”

“Next week. He said today was a review class.” Zhangjing hummed in confirmation. He felt like a comfortable presence beside Yanjun. He fit perfectly beside the taller and the space between them was minimal, but he desperately wanted to make it none.

The closer they got to class, the more anxious Yanjun got. His heart fluttered every time the other skipped or hummed whatever song he had stuck in his head. He was a ball of perfection wrapped inside the cutest person, coming to that conclusion was easy enough. Yanjun knew what he had to do as they approached the building.

“Wait, Zhangjing.” Yanjun leaned forward to grab the other’s wrist, pulling him into a hug. “Okay, hear me out. I like you. Like, really, really like you. Please go out with me.” His mind was as jumbled as his confession. Usually, Yanjun was known for being cool and suave, but the sound of his pounding heart made it impossible for any of his typical self to come out. Instead, he was a jumbled and emotional mess, all because of the boy he held in his arms.

Zhangjing, who seemed just as emotionally unprepared, paused with mouth agape. He quickly pushed himself away, trying to hide his face that had turned a deep red in color. “Y-you don’t really mean that, do you? This isn’t a prank or something that Chaoze put you up to?”

Yanjun shook his head, loosening his grip on Zhangjing’s wrist to carefully hold onto his hand. A sincere smile took shape on Yanjun’s face, dimples showing under his twinkling eyes. “No. You Zhangjing, I honestly love you and everything about you. Will you go out with me?”

Zhangjing, swept away by Yanjun’s charm, shyly nodded his head, hiding his face behind one hand that was covered with his sleeve. He quietly muttered something, turning his head away before his chin was lightly grabbed by Yanjun, his head turning to be eye level with the other.

“What was that?”

“I-I like you too… I just still don’t think this is happening…” Zhangjing whispered, moving his hand away from his face. Slowly, Yanjun moved forward, his lips softly meeting Zhangjing’s in a sweet kiss. He pulled away with a smile on his face and adoration in his eyes.

“Believe me now?” Zhangjing couldn’t help but nod.

*

The car ride was coming to an end. He knew that exit would be the last one before there was another ten minutes before they reached home. Well, it wasn’t his home any more. His home was going to be far away, beyond his reach. Could he even call it a home anymore? It had fallen down around him, leaving him standing, alone, in the middle, more damaged than anything he had done before.

The rain outside hadn’t lessened, but his tears had. He had cried so much, he felt like every bit of water had been drained out of him. The sky taunted him with its seemingly endless amounts, creating a landscape that was as flooded as his own heart. Thunder rolling in the distance was the only thing that drowned out the sounds of his own thoughts. This storm had been just too perfect to end the day with. It had been sunny earlier.

They stopped at an empty intersection at a red light. The music had been turned off and now the only sound was the rain pattering down around the car. Their gazes were fixed out the front window, watching the windshield wipers ignore the rain that keep persistently falling down around them. Neither of them acknowledged the other, but at some point, their hands had found each other. Set in familiar positions right behind the stick shift, their hands squeezed together, as if they were fighting against the hearts that controlled them.

Eventually, the car pulled up to a house. There was nothing impressive about it, small and quaint, but this is where it all came to end. Yanjun turned the headlights off and killed the engine with his opposite hand, refusing to let go of Zhangjing. Zhangjing sat in silence for a moment more, preparing to leave whatever part of his heart he had left in the passenger seat.

After a few more heartbeats, Zhangjing untangled his hand. “Well, looks like my stop…” He said with a scratchy voice. He sniffed and wiped his nose with one sleeve. Slowly, he got out of the car. Yanjun sat there, eyes fixed on where their hands were once connected. Zhangjing opened the back door, picking his stuff out of the back seat. A bag, a cap, a gown, and a diploma holder. He stared at the items for a moment. On the other seat was a bouquet of flowers, carefully placed there as so they didn’t move.

“Take them.” Yanjun said, still not turning towards Zhangjing. “They’re still for you.”

Zhangjing didn’t give any indication he heard besides leaning into the car to get the bouquet. He stood there, rain pelting down on his back for a moment more before closing the back door. He moved back to the passenger door, standing there for a moment, hesitating to close it. He was getting soaked again, but this time it was only him. Yanjun stayed dried inside the car.

“I’m sorry…”

“We don’t have to do this.”

“It’s the only way.”

“I can’t live without you.”

“You live with a lot more than me. People need you more than I do.”

“Fuck, seriously, I will give it up for you. What don’t you get!?”

“I get there are more people who need you than those who need more. You live in another world that I can’t reach, that I can’t even begin to reach. Please, just drop it.”

“I still love you.”

Yanjun’s words hung in the air between the two of them. Zhangjing moved back to close the door, voice just hardly audible over the rain. “Me too…”

He shut the car door and turned to run into the house, knowing Chaoze had left the door unlocked. He went in, legs giving out as soon as he shut the front door. His back slid down against the door for support, everything in his arms scattering around the floor. A polaroid photo of Yanjun and Zhangjing flittered out of the bouquet of roses that had fallen, the precious flowers spreading around the boy. In it, both of the boys were wearing their college graduation regalia with their arms slung around each other. They shared rivaling smiles, holding up their diploma holders in their free hands. On the bottom, in Yanjun’s neat handwriting, the words “Congratulations My Vocal Angle” were written next to the date.

Soon, the house was filled with Zhangjing’s sobs as he drew his knees to his chest and listened to the sound of the familiar motor pull away and down the road.

“I still love you too, Lin Yanjun…” He whispered, tears somehow born anew in his eyes. “I love you…”


End file.
